Networking: Socializing for the Antisocial

[Silhouetted Man - Feelings of Anxiety and being Invisible - Wix Media]

First and foremost, there is no easy solution that everyone can apply to instantly become a networking god. In my studies at Point Park, I've run into various required texts where authors act like they hold the secret key to all of your problems, and frankly it's condescending. Anyone who claims to possess such a thing is either lying, trying to sell you something, or both. With all that said, I hope to provide some insight and examples from my own experiences and mistakes to learn from so you can avoid making those same mistakes yourself.

As an up-and-coming filmmaker to the industry, freshly graduated from Point Park as of, well, only a couple weeks ago, you hear plenty of the importance of networking and how much power it holds in determining your potential success within the field. For those like myself, who don't exactly identify as being all that social to begin with and/or struggle with their own social anxiety, it's scary. To think that all of your hard work might fall short just because of your struggles with socializing is rather frustrating.

The best thing you can possibly do is take that frustration, meet the problem head-on, and grow from it. I’m not going to pretend like I have the secret key to everyone's problems, as I'm not trying to sell anything. However, I can provide insights as to what has allowed me to grow and develop as a person, which might be able to help you along your own journey.

Business is Business

[Business Personnel Networking - Wix Media]

It's so easy to get hyper-fixated on the idea of networking being a social event that the entire point of it can go over people's heads: Business.

Something I've struggled with in the past was being too concerned about the intent behind talking with people. How certain interactions might be weird if I was initiating a conversation with someone unprompted. But with networking, everyone is there for the same reason: to NETWORK. So the intent is already pre-established, and people expect to be approached and have conversation. Honestly, the only weird thing you could do in a Networking environment would be to not go up to people and initiate conversation. Nobody's going to think it's "weird" when you do what is expected.

It's easier said than done, of course. There's nothing more condescending than someone acting as if the answer is super simple and you're an idiot for not realizing it. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying it's something you have to keep in mind in order to take the steps towards becoming more comfortable networking. With everything else, it's a step towards bettering yourself. With that in mind, a useful mindset to develop is networking doesn't inherently need to be as “social” as one might traditionally consider it. The entire reason everyone is there is to create business connections.

Keep in mind that business is business. It doesn’t need to be anything beyond that. However, make sure you're prepared to conduct business! You should have some way to show potential business partners why they should conduct business with you in the first place. Make sure you have something that you can direct potential connections to so that they can view your work. This doesn't necessarily have to be as extensive as a portfolio website, though something like that will certainly help your image. It could be something as simple as a social page that you've dedicated to your work. Just something to show potential business partners why they should trust doing business with you.

Conversation is great, but without something to show for it, you won't get very far. It's very difficult for anyone to take your words at base value if you don't have any proof to back up what you say. Be sure to bring proof of the work you're capable of.

So Good they Can’t Ignore you

[Award of Excellence Acceptance - Wix Media]

Bouncing off of being able to prove yourself, there is the tactic of being "so good they can't ignore you". It's a tactic that can potentially eliminate difficulties with initiating conversations entirely, though the key word is "potentially".

As mentioned previously, one of my main difficulties is starting the conversation. Focusing on doing the best work possible is a way to try and circumvent being the one starting conversation in the first place. It's a way to get around the awkwardness that clings to starting up a conversation, but it's dangerous to rely on solely this. Your work better be damn good, or better yet, the best, for this tactic to work. Unfortunately, for new filmmakers like myself, that isn't going to be the case. There's still much to learn through experience, and to claim you already know everything and are the best you could possibly be is just arrogant. So again, I caution against trying to rely solely on this tactic, but when used in tangent with other techniques, it can most certainly work.

None of that matters, however, if you can't make your undisputed masterpieces as the film prodigy of the next coming age. Which brings us full circle to collaboration; networking. You need to network and collaborate with other filmmakers in order to make such work in the first place. As much as some of us would love to try and create films entirely on our own, it simply isn't realistic. Collaboration is a necessary part of filmmaking, and you need others to make your vision a reality. Better yet, others will bring additional ideas and perspectives to make a given film even better. It's another reason that this tactic is something for further down the line, but worth keeping in mind and potentially working towards. Though not necessarily impossible per say, it is extremely difficult to jump the gun straight to the point where everyone is dying to meet you because of your work.

Braver than Yesterday

[Looking Onward - Self Improvement - Wix Media]

Though the pressure is there to try and find success for yourself as quickly as possible, it is a process that you can't just skip to the end of. Most of the big names you know in the world of cinema didn't get to where they were until later in their lives. They rose to where they did by persevering. If you pressure yourself to find success as quickly as possible, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. And if you aren't able to push past that discouragement, then you could put yourself in a pit you'll never get out of. Which isn't to say don't try! Gosh, no. Try your absolute best, but don't expect instantaneous results.

The point being: the only way to get there is to keep at it. Get better step by step, no matter how small these steps need to be. But as long as you take those steps, then you will make progress. Whatever anxieties you might be dealing with can, in time, be managed. I say that as a person who has spent the past several years doing so myself — I'm not just talking out of my ass here — It is a lengthy process, but one that is worth it.

Personal Experience

[Working on Set as Writer/Director/Producer - Me]

I’d like to take a look at an experience I had at a Networking event, so I can more directly express some of my own feelings I had in the moment, and what we both might learn from it. It was a networking event that, coincidentally enough, was held by the people at What Happens Next. They held a "Speed Networking" Event at Point Park near the end of last semester.

The event mimicked the idea of speed dating, where you get a short amount of time with a person before switching to the next. Given that structure, everyone only had ~3 min to talk with each other before switching off. Because of this though, I didn't have to worry about the whole aspect of approaching people and initiating the conversation. Which, looking back, was actually a huge relief.

First mistake I made was not having any sort of business cards or a website portfolio that people could look at. I have my Instagram page that I post about my work, but it's not as professional as I'd maybe like. Not to mention that it honestly just kind of slipped my mind entirely in the moment. My mind was muddled with finishing up my senior thesis and what to work on post graduation. There's two things to look at there.

1: I failed to be prepared. Which is okay, but only if you learn from the mistake and make sure it doesn't happen again. Make the time to have such things prepared prior to going to a networking event. Again, it doesn't have to be as fancy as a portfolio website. If you've been building up a social page with your work on it, that can work too! (Just don't forget about it like I did). But have something. Again, learn from the mistakes of others and yourself so that you might avoid them in the future.

2: The second point to remember is to keep in mind why you're there. It's good to be thinking about the future, and potential productions you aim to conduct and whatnot. That's great. But make sure you aren't distracting yourself from the task at hand, which should be to network. As I keep saying, easier said than done, but do your best to put other concerns on hold for the time being. You are there to network, and unless what you're thinking about is relevant to that goal, it's a distraction.

So the first half of the event went well. Fast forward, however, to the end of the structured event. Once the structured nature of the networking event had ended and people were free to network as one might traditionally, that's when I was in trouble. I was left to initiate conversation on my own terms, which is dangerous. If you're anything like me, you really don't seek out socializing with people unless you already know them pretty well.

In part, I had felt that I had already said everything I could during the ~3min that we got with each person. Perhaps largely in part that I had yet to really build an official portfolio to show to people, but that's the rationale I told myself: "I came. I talked. I don't have anything else to say. I might as well leave".

[P4 Showcase - Public Speaking - Me]

The hardest part of working through anxieties and the like, is that your thoughts aren't inherently wrong or illogical. They're twisted, but there is some truth to them, unfortunately, which is why it can be so hard to work through them. Something that can be easier than trying to dismiss anxieties, is to introduce conflicting logic that challenges those anxieties. Without a proper portfolio, it's not like I was going to receive any offers on the spot. It felt like there wasn't anything else I could do. But that doesn't mean that there weren't reasons to stay as well. Even if you don't necessarily have anything more you could provide, take the opportunity to ask more questions about the field. Get insight into the industry you're pursuing. Ask what they've been working on. Anything. But that's not what I did. I left. In the moment, I wasn't thinking about those last reasons as to why I could stay and continue conversations with the people I had already talked to. From that, all I would say is slow down. Make sure you aren't making decisions based on initial instinct. Challenge yourself and the very way you think. Which, as I will say a million times, is easier said than done. Do your very best to hold yourself accountable so that you might better yourself and grow as a person. And I speak to myself as much as I speak to you in that regard.

Anyhow, I left. Yet, the entire walk back, all I could think to myself was "It's not too late to go back. You can turn around. In the event that anyone does ask, just say you went to the bathroom. Go back. Turn around". Yet I didn't. I repeated the same things to myself over and over, all the way back to my dorm. The point being, learn from my mistakes. My regrets. Recognize when you find yourself wanting to go back, yet still moving in the opposite direction. Recognize it, hold yourself accountable, and turn back. Be braver than me.

Now if I had turned back, maybe nothing would have come of it. But that's not the point. The point is that there is an opportunity that something could have come of it. But you're guaranteeing that nothing will by not "turning back", whatever that might mean in a given scenario. Until you're sure you've absolutely exhausted all the networking you could possibly do at a given event, keep talking with people. Even if you aren't getting a job or potential crew members out of it, get other people's perspectives. Seek their knowledge and advice. There is still plenty to be gained outside of a business card, which can only be obtained through conversation.

Finding your Confidence

[Behind the Scenes - Camera Crew - Wix Media]

Here's some quick advice: no one is as confident as you think they are. As humans, we are known to perceive others in a higher manner than we do ourselves, and it can warp our perception of reality. No one's as confident as they might make themselves out to be, and could be just as, if not more, anxious than you might be. It can be extremely difficult and awkward trying to sell yourself when you might not view yourself with the highest esteem. To which, again, I have been there. Hell, still am to a degree.

One piece of advice that might be able to help is finding your confidence in your work. It can be much easier to detach yourself from your work so that you can separate the two into different entities. Which I know is kind of paradoxical as artists, as we often find value in ourselves through the value of our work, but it's something to try. It can be weird talking about yourself in a high manner when you might not view yourself in such a way. Separating you as a person with your work can allow you to talk with confidence in regard to your work specifically. It's a way to work around potential self-esteem related issues that might cause you to unjustly sell yourself short.

Closing Statement

[Showcasing Merch for Senior Thesis on Social Media - Me]

Keeping all of these tricks in mind, I genuinely do hope that they help you in any future network endeavors you find yourself in. Beyond that, I intend to do my best to keep them in mind for myself! Don't speak as someone with all the answers, but as someone who's searching for them myself. The best I can do is try and share what I've experienced and learned from in order to try and help you out, and I hope it has!

Now this might all sound terribly cliché, but hear me out: No one's perfect at anything on the first try. And if they are, that's called luck. The best any of us can do is to keep trying. Get out there, try, fail, learn, get back up, and do it all over again. As long as you're able to assess your mistakes and keep them in mind for the next time around, you're gonna be okay. But you have to get back up. The only way to truly fail, is to give up. And the only one who can determine that, is you.

And with that, I wish the best of luck to not only you, but myself as well as we continue to grow and develop into better people. One step at a time. No matter how long it takes.